Welcome to the Talon/Eclipse/Laser Web Pages

Whoa there!

Don't go further!

This is it, Start Here!

Whether you are thinking of buying, just bought, have or "borrowed" one of these cars, you are in the right place.. So what's next.., you are full of questions, brimming with lust/enthusiasm just vibrating there in your laced back driving gloves (oops! wrong script).. Okay, okay, no more kidding, here some straight ethel, pilgrim..

PS. It helps if you think that it is Robin Williams reading this to you..

PPS. If it sounds like we are having fun... We are!

PPPS. If you are looking for the end all be all - look to the archives. This is for fun!

I have the car, now I want to make it fly like the wind.. What do I need first?

Well, this is simple. Go back down to the car, and find your owner's manual. Turn to index/back cover and look up the phone number to order yourself your very own Shop Manual! Yes! It is that wonderful book, the Shop Manual.. You and It are going to spend many wondrous hours of exciting fun reviewing instructions written in foreign languages and badly translated, deciphering drawings and yes, even looking up tire pressures..!! Yes! Are we saved or what?!

I got The Shop Manual, what's next?

You set the book down on the table, open the cover and read until you come to the back cover.. and take lots notes, because there will be a test later!

I heard about an intake silencer that I could remove and get so much HP, that my tires would scream for mercy! What is it and how do I remove/kill this hater of horses?!

Yes, a believer has come forward.. what is your name my child? First, you open your Shop Manual to the Intake and Exhaust section. Look up the diagram showing how to remove and separate the air cleaner into its subatomic parts. There in those black and white pages you will see.. the Noise Reduction Filter - hater of thrilling turbo whistles, choker of fine thorough-breed octane enhanced horses..! Remove this vile thing, this petulance for ninnies and thou has now freed your turbo to shrill like a banshee and your engine to gain its breadth! (Just follow the diagrams and you will remove this with ease - note this only applies to pre-95 cars, the Mighty One has no idea of 95 and on models..!)

What is this horn I have also read about, Mighty One, is it an Alto or a just a Sax? Will I need lessons?

The horn is just the plastic intake nozzle, Pilgrim, at the entrance of the air cleaner. It is held by measly pot rivets that any hairy chested 3/8in drill will quickly dispatch! Remove it and let your turbo sing!

Oh, Mighty Talon Tuner, I thirst for more knowledge to make my car faster than Hermes.. what should I do?

A voice from the heaven peals down rolling across the chaos.. "READ THE ARCHIVES AND THOU SHALL BE ENLIGHTENED!"

The crowd screams and moans.. "We need help now, for our engines can barely keep up with Volkswagen Beetles..!" Again thunder and lightning lit the sky, the earth shook and his voice caused rocks to break asunder "READ THE WEB PAGE.. THE GUIDE TO GOING FASTER IN TEN EASY COMMANDMENTS IS WRITTEN THERE! READ IT AND OBEY, FOR NO MUSTANG SHALL DESECRATE MY CHOSEN FEW...!!!

More lightning and thunder.. with a sudden dust storm as the exhaust noise from the six inch megaphone of the mighty Talon Tuner cascades across the skies...

Again, Mighty Tuner of Major HP, I think that I shall remove all those vile and repugnant emission controls choking my car.. What say thou, my lord?

I say, repeat your name loud and clear, your car plate too, for the ECO Cops want to have a word with you! Although we break the laws of physics and combustion, we all live by a higher law of nature.. Piss her off and she will take her vengeance on you! And boy, can she be mean! (The focus is on clean HP, it is very easy to make more HP than you can imagine and still be fresh as a daisy!)

Oh Magic Tuner, my car is new, its warranty pristine, what can I do without the fear of voided and forever lost warranties?

Again, my child, if you love it, be prepared to set it free.. For if you wish to modify thy car beyond the wishes of your dealer service manager, the risk is all thee's and nay theirs. So in the spirit of the Great Tuner, be prepared to create changes that hide, insinuate and can easily be removed before visiting that purgatory of a place, called The Dealership!

Oh Benevolent Guide of Internal Combustion, my gas mileage has dropped as I improved my car.. oh why? Why should a more efficient car use more expensive gas?

The Law of Nature say that for each HP you produce, thou must consume 1/2 pound of fuel. Thou vehicle is more efficient but as it makes more power it uses more gas - think of it as Caesar tax, and smile as you pay at the pump, for what fun are the miles without the Power?

Oh Great Tuner God.., I am a newbie and I am lost. I hanker for the power but the knowledge to even ask escapes me, how will I live another day without more HP?

The skies turn red, the rivers turn to blood, the mountains begin to melt.. "INFIDEL! BLASPHEMER! ACURA WORSHIPER! THOU SHALL BE PUNISHED... FROM THIS DAY FORWARD THOU SHALL READ THE ARCHIVES FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END.. AND BACK AGAIN! (Honestly people, it is in there! Just try it and you will find lots of interesting stuff.)

God of Synchronicity, why must my transmission make such awful noise when going from 1st to 2nd?

Alas, foolish mortar, for all things there is a balance - if I give thou, great HP, great handling, AND a German clockwork tranny, there would be no justice..! Thou, must pay and the other gods of Mitsubishi have deem that thou tranny will be it! (Yes, all of our trannies - no matter the year and without exception - are like that. Read the archives for some of the improvements that some have with different lubricants.)

Oh Impartial Tuning Judge - capable of balancing five Stromberg with just your ear - what is the best -insert your question here- in the land?

The answer is.. drumroll please.. and the envelope please.. "42" Thank you, thank you, now please proceed to the back for your pictures...

Honestly now, the answer is all, any, it does not matter. Just make sure it meets the specification in the Shop Manual and Owner's Manual and you are all set. If you want to see what some of the rest have done, look in the Web page or the archives! If you just won the State lottery, come into an inheritance and that money is just sizzling in your pocket, the Web Page is full of vendors willing to help you with that load - if not come see me, I have got this great bridge, see.. By the way, what is six times seven?

We hope that you have enjoyed our program tonight.. Now, back your regularly schedule programs..

Its been fun introducing you to our little place here in the global, interactive, dynamic, cross-platform, distributed, graphical hypertext information system that we call the World Wide Web (heck, we even get pay while doing this) but it is time to get back to our real lives.. So read those archives, and post your questions - we are all in it together - just don't get any Fickle Finger of Fate Awards!!